New Chapters in life

We are blessed to have a wonderful landlord and recently we signed a two year lease.  For some reason, it triggered many emotions inside of me.  TWO years.... here in Taiwan.  It seemed so long.  Yet my new life is here.  Sometimes it still feels like I don't know what I am doing here.  But that's normal right?  No one figures out everything ahead before they make the first step.  My old identity as a mom, teacher, hard working employee, gardener, nature lover, cook.... they are all changed and different now.  I live in the city without kids, a yard, or a car and I barely cook because it's cheaper to eat out.  New chapter means letting go of the past and taking new steps in a different direction in life.

Like Graduation.

It's funny that I decided to join a Toastmaster's class as a guest one day and the impromptu speech was on the subject of "Graduation" (since it was June) and I won as a best speaker!   I have a deep connection to this word "Graduation" now.  Reaching the end of something familiar and starting something new and heading in a new direction that you have no idea what awaits you.  What is scary about it?  I think maybe it's letting go of old identities and dreams that I had for myself.  Taking step towards something when you have no idea where you are heading.  Sometimes when I see someone who is clearly in his element and found his passion in life, maybe even making a good living doing what they love, I feel a bit of jealousy and envy.  Why are they so lucky?

But the truth is that all of us are where we imagined years before in some aspects.  We have achieved our goals, at least some of them.  And we also have seen some answered prayers.  We really wanted something back then, and God gave it to us!  If we have done it before, we can do it again.  In my younger years, I've never imagined myself having 4 kids, and homeschooling them until college.  I didn't think I would be a homeowner in the bay area., it's so crazy expensive.  There were other aspects of my life that is truly miraculous, I bet you have that also.  But somehow when we look into the future, we forget all about it and we are so scared and maybe start complaining again.  Why me?  When the Children of Israel complained about thirst and thought that they would die in the desert, they forgot not that long ago, God had just parted the Red Sea and killed all their enemies.  How quickly we forget! and now again we are paralyzed by fear when we face future challenges.  Remember that God is faithful in our past and He will continue to be faithful as we take a step into the unknown.

God led me to hear a sermon on the topic of "following Jesus" yesterday.  Pastor Andrew said that "Denying self"  means letting go of what I want for myself.  "Taking up the cross" means accepting the cup of God that maybe includes suffering.  I saw that passage in a whole new light.  HOW are we able to let go and embrace God's will for us which may include pain and suffering?  We trust.  We trust in God's ways being higher than ours and that He has a good plan, a plan that we may not be able to see now.  

Sometimes we are stuck somewhere in life, unable to step out or go in a new direction because we don't know where to go or we are held back by fear.  Safety and security and old identities are too important to us at this point, we are not ready to let go yet.  Believe me, I know.  When God first called me to homeschool my kids, I fought Him and didn't want to do it.  I had a good federal job at the time, I was the rising star in our agency and I didn't want to give it up.  I held on to it for as long as I could, until God made it clear again and again.  Then He proceeded to cut off my other options so that it was apparent that this was where I should go.  When God first told me about moving to Taiwan, I fought Him and I resisted for as long as I could.  But then the Holy Spirit just kept telling me to go.  Some preachers talked about Holy Spirit being a gentleman, I would beg to differ.  Just look at how God treated Moses when he refused to go to Egypt.  In those examples, I knew where God was leading me, I just resisted Him.  Well, if that's the case, God will not leave you alone until you obeyed.  Haha...  but once you obey His voice,  you will experience His glorious peace.

In the case that God hasn't made it clear to you where you need to go, and you hate where you are now and you are very unhappy. Then change how you look at where you are.  Wayne Dyer used to say, "Change the way you look at something and the thing you are looking at will change as well."  Even if you are not at your dream job, you can still learn many applicable skills for your dream job where you are!!  That's the beauty of it, God doesn't waste anything!  The job you are at, the situation right now, there is something exactly what you need there.  It's providing the training program for your next big thing.  That's why I love the story of Joseph in the Bible.  When he was a slave, household manager, or in prison, or a prison guard..... he was gaining the exact experience and skills he needed for being the second in command in Egypt.  See whatever you are doing now as a launching pad, or stepping stone for something much greater.

So as I face my new life in a strange place, far from all the familiar things I used to know, I am comforted in knowing that I am guided by the loving Father in heaven who sees the future.  He holds my hand and He holds your hand.  All we have to do is take one step, and another step towards the direction that we are called.  Keep going forward.  Trust that the best is yet to come.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.  Pv 16:9