What mom taught me

With Mother's Day approaching, I was thinking of Mom a lot, so I decided to write about her.  She was the youngest of 6 siblings and lost her father at age 3.  Growing up during the war without a dad,  but she lacked self-confidence though she was a beautiful woman,  I imagine that when I see her in heaven she would look like her younger self probably like above pictures because in the book "Heaven is for Real", the grandpa appeared to be in his younger self at the prime of his life because his grandson didn't recognize him until a picture of his younger days was shown to him.

She was naturally attracted to Dad who was full of confidence.  I don't even know how Dad won her over because Mom told me that he gave her corn instead of flowers, and fell asleep in every movie.  The only thing he was interested was the zoo, especially the monkeys.  But Mom thought he was unique and authentically himself.  They attended the same college together and they met in a Christian fraternity group.  Mommy adored Dad everyday of her life.  She had the rose-colored glasses on and always said that Dad was so cute.  She would laugh at his jokes even though he told it countless times.  She thought she got the best deal in the world by marrying Dad, but I think Dad was the lucky one.  They never argued or fought, (weird, right?)  because Mom was a codependent, a yes woman 100% of the time.  It was how she was raised.  She believed that she didn't really have a say and her main job was to support Dad.  Well, she did that until she died.  Mom was a high school biology teacher and Dad was in HR for China Steel in Taiwan.  These were considered top jobs in Taiwan, but they gave those up to move to the U.S. in exchange for us to have a better education.  In U.S. they used their savings to buy a convenient store and worked there very long hours (5am-11pm)  to put food on the table.  Mom never complained about the hard life.  She worked with Dad 24/7 but they got along fine because she admired Dad and trusted his decisions.  She was a workaholic and a woman of few words.  I remember her when she isn't at the store, she loved to putt around in the kitchen or backyard. When she was in a super good mood, she would sit in front of the sewing machine and mend clothes or make something hard to make.  She loved to cook, and cooked until she couldn't anymore at the last stages of her breast cancer.  Mom worked a lot and said very little, but she was a great mom who taught me a lot.  Here are the top 10 things: 

1. Simple, frugal way of life

Mom loved cheap groceries, things on sale, or Safeway’s clearance items  brought a smile to her face. Thrift stores is her favorite place to shop when she had a desire to buy things, especially old worn shoes there were broken in. She fixed most broken things and repurposed them for something else. When there was a need, she found a way to make it work with the junk that she has. Suddenly, her junk became valuable and useful. She saved rainwater, dishwater, bath water in order to water her garden. After all, we live in the Bay Area where many years were drought years. She saved kitchen scrap to compose. Thought I am not to her extent of frugality but during lean times, I am thankful to have the skills Mom taught me to be able live simply and still be content.  I did have to use those skill for 2-3 years when the kids were little and Ted lost his job.

2. Hard work is a part of life

Mom worked all the time and enjoyed it. She gardened, knitted, cleaned, mended our clothes, cooked, cleaned Dad’s fish, fed chickens, even did some heavy jobs sometimes. When Mom and Dad owned a store, they worked so hard and ran it so well that no other owners afterwards can even come close to it. After retiring, Mom worked at Willow Tree Nursing home to help those less fortunate than her and even enjoyed that too.  She loved to work and saw it as part of life's blessings.

3. Love for beautiful and fragrant flowers

Mom loves beautiful and fragrant flowers. She tried to have a lot of potted plants on the porch and faithfully cared for them. Once, she stayed up midnight to see one of her rare flower that only bloom for one hour. She loved having fragrant flowers by her bedside, such as her Magnolia flower, gardenia, Yu-lan-hua from Taiwan. She also planted a Yeh-lai-shiang (night jasmine) outside the bathroom window so she can smell the fragrance at night. She took so much joy in caring for the flowers and smelling them.  The night jasmine I replanted outside of our family room window after she passed away, and every year around her birthday 9/1, when the windows were open, we could smell the sweet fragrance.  It was as if she gave us a reminder of her every year.  Because she planted the flowers in pots, I was able to inherit a lot of her flowers, and I planted them in my front yard to honor her love for flowers.  

4. Love for young children

Mom loved babies and toddlers especially.  She loved all of her grand kids equally, regardless of her cultural upbringing that favored male.  She didn't see the validity of favoritism so she loved on them all, all 11 of them between my sister, my brother and me.   She especially enjoyed them from newborn to 2 years old because Mom was very nurturing and loved to feel needed, and caring for little ones. She enjoyed watching their cute moves and words and progress through different stages. After two years old, the grand kids usually gravitate towards Grandpa because he was naughty and fun.  She was most happy when she was with her grand kids.

5. Love for cooking 

Mom loved to cook for us, regardless of how tired or how difficult the recipe was. She grew up in Taiwan, so she missed some Taiwan food.  So no matter how hard to find the ingredients or make certain dishes, she did it.  We all remembered her Zongzi, Guay, Manto, Ba-wan, Tsong-yo-bing on special occasions. Everyday she cooked veggies from her own garden and fish that Dad caught. Dad loved it.  He ate those with pride because he worked hard to get them on the table.  Even when we all had a tiring day at the beach, she would still cook when we got home. She saw cooking as a great privilege, and was very sad to lose that privilege when she was too sick to cook.

6. Love for Classical music

Mom loved classical music. She listened to it even before I was born. It worked, I inherited the love for classical music too. She loved the little radio by her kitchen window with KDFC radio station in the background while she cooked. Sometimes she hummed along with it, especially when it is Nutcracker ballet. She was a determined choir member and attended choir practice up until a month before her death. Even in her last days of agonizing pain, she found great comfort in classical cello music.  I gave her a CD of famous cello music, and it was her absolute favorite.  She said it comforted her in a way words cannot.  

7. Patience and perseverance

Mom lived up to her name in Chinese which means “Victory” and “Pearl”. Pearl is a grain of sand, an irritation for a clam, yet over time, through great perseverance, the clam turned it into a beautiful pearl, a great victory. Mom showed great patience daily in her garden, though at times weeding and tending the garden can be grueling work. Mom also was patient with all of our shortcomings, and rarely complained or criticized. She believed in the best in each of us, and gave us the most “generous explanation” all the time. In the end of her life, Mom finally showed her great perseverance in fighting breast cancer, it was a long fight lasting 8-9 years, but she didn’t give up easily through different chemo treatments, losing hair, mouth sores, fatigue, shortness of breath ,…. all sorts of discomfort.  Mom fought to be here for us.

8. Encouraging words

Mom always had an encouraging word to say to me, even for things that may be mundane. I always knew that she was proud of me. She told me since I was young that one day I will glorify the Lord, and she often showed her amazement in how I cooked, cared for my family, homeschooled, played piano or served at church. At times, I didn't think any of those things glorify God, but I always remember her words.  Things that many other moms do daily, she complimented and encouraged me tirelessly and always lifted my spirit during the tough days. It was precious to receive that encouragement all through my adulthood. She was proud of each one of her children, different as we are, she was one proud mama. I appreciate that so much, she spoke life into me.

9. Example of quiet faith in God 

Mom had a vibrant relationship with God, I always knew. Each morning, before day break, she sat at her small desk (bought from garage sale, which I cannot bear to get rid of today), decorated by pictures of all those people closest to her heart. She spent her daily quiet time there, receiving strength, comfort from her loving God. She also prayed for us fervently. I believe God heard her prayers. Sometimes Mom had dreams about Jesus. Before the cancer took a turn for the worst, Mom had a dream about standing at the pond with Lily pads at Oakland Zoo, fearful to step forward. Jesus lovingly showed up and gave her His word in Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you. I will hold you with My righteous right hand.” It became Mom’s favorite verse and she held down to it through her most painful cancer journey. We saw that Jesus indeed held her hand through all her suffering and brought her to the place of glory.

10. Unconditional love for her husband

As I mentioned in the intro, I always knew that Dad was Mom’s first priority on earth. I sometimes laugh because people say that when you are in love, you look at the world through rosy colored glasses. Mom never took off those rosy glasses. Dad was always the hero, she told us that Dad was smart, funny, and a wonderful husband. She supported everything that Dad did, went to all of his talks, laughed at his stale jokes. She  worked incredibly long hours at the store, and allowed Dad to play tennis and go fishing, and told us how much Dad deserved to go and recharge himself because he worked so hard. Mom saw it as a great privilege to serve Dad beyond wifely duties.  That was the unconditional love Jesus showed us.  She never preached to us, but she lived out Jesus to us.

Mom, I am truly a most blessed daughter to have a mom like you and I miss you.  I can't wait to see you in heaven one day.